Halloween Drabbles
by PurrfectMeow
Summary: Halloween drabbles of Cersei and Jaime set in our world. The first twenty-two are set in their childhood and teenage years and the last eight will be set in their adult years.
1. Candy Stealer

"Hey! What are you doing?" asked Jaime, walking into his shared room with Cersei and catching her in her theft of his candy. The two were seven and had shortly ago finished trick or treating with their mother Joanna.

"I'm a princess. It is my right to take any candy I want from you." replied Cersei.

"Well, I'm a prince. You can't just take from me!"

"You aren't a prince anymore." replied Cersei, who was still dressed in her princess costume, not at all eager to get out of it. Jaime, on the other hand, had removed his as soon as getting home.

"You know I would have just given you some if you had asked." pouted Jaime.

 **Notes: Each of these will be between 100-300 words. I'll try to do one a day if people like these.**


	2. Amends

**Notes:**

 **You can view this as a continuation of the previous chapter or a standalone.**

It was the day after Halloween and Cersei felt a little bit guilty over eating all of Jaime's snicker bars. She looked into her bag for something to give him and found a couple of butterfingers bars. Jaime's favorite.

She walked slowly outside and sat down on the swing next to him.

He stopped swinging as she approached.

"You can have some of my butterfingers bars, since I ate all your snickers." she stated, handing him one big and three mini bars.

"Thank you" He replied, smiling at her.

"Your tummy hurts, doesn't it?" He asked, a short time later after finishing the candy.

"How did you know?"

"You aren't asking me to push you on the swing or even swinging yourself...and you ate like twenty candy bars last night."

 **Thank you, guest, for reviewing the previous chapter**


	3. Switching Places

"I thought you wanted to be a princess. You were one last year, and the year before." stated nine year old Jaime to Cersei

"That was before I found out how much better knights were. I want to do the fighting. Not sit around waiting for someone to rescue me." replied Cersei as she put on the knight helmet that had been intended for Jaime.

"You could have told father. Maybe he would have let us both be knights." Complained Jaime as he secured his tiara in place.

"You know he wouldn't have. Besides, you look really pretty. No one will be able to tell the difference."


	4. Poor Tyrion

"What are you doing with Tyrion and why is he dressed like a gnome?" asked Jaime, looking disapprovingly at Cersei whom was holding three year old Tyrion's hand,

"Can't a sister take her little brother out with her?" Cersei replied, feigning innocence.

"You aren't going to try to sell him to the circus again are you?"

"Of course not."

"What then? " Asked Jaime, blocking the door.

"There's a Halloween costume contest at the mall. Winner gets ten pounds of candy." replied Cersei. her eyes getting big.

"So why not enter yourself?"

""I'm too old. The contest is for ages three to ten. Besides, look at him. He can practically be a gnome without the costume, he will win for sure." replied eleven year old Cersei.

"If father finds out..."

"Whos gonna tell him? He won't return from his business trip for another two weeks. People will have long forgotten about a Halloween contest by then."


	5. First Trick or Treating

**Thank you, Guest, for the review!**

"Aren't they adorable!" stated Joanna cheerfully to her husband Tywin as he walked into the room.

Tywin took a look at their twins, smiled and then turned to his wife.

"They sure are. But, don't you think it's a little odd having two siblings dressed as Simba and Nala?"

"It's just innocent fun. Besides, they're the cub versions." replied Joanna, smiling.

"Well, are you two ready for your first time trick or treating?" Tywin asked the two little lion cubs.

"I'm gonna get more candy then Jaime." stated three year old Cersei giggling.


	6. Scare

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed six year old Jaime at the zombie standing over his bed that he awoke to.

Cersei quickly put a hand over his mouth and used the other hand to remove her zombie mask, the whole time giggling uncontrollably.


	7. The Man Missing A Hand

"Wow. Look at that guy! What a cool costume, but someone should tell him Halloween isn't until tomorrow." eleven year old Cersei whispered loudly to Jaime.

Jaime glanced in the direction Cersei had not so subtly pointed and spotted a man with a hook hand.

"I don't think that's a costume, Cersei." He whispered back.

"Don't be silly of course it is. Why else would somebody have a hook hand?"

"Maybe someone cut off his actual hand and he had to get a hook hand to replace it" Jaime whispered back helpfully.

"That's morbid! Even so, why a hook, of all things?." asked Cersei clearly disgusted.

"It's practical"

"Yeah, well, I'd prefer a golden hand." Cersei replied back.

 **Thank you to my boyfriend who said I should do a drabble involving them seeing a man with a missing hand.**


	8. Pumpkin Carving

"This is so disgusting." stated eight year old Cersei as she removed some pumpkin goop from inside her pumpkin.

"It's not that bad." replied Jaime, earning himself a dirty look from his sister.

"I don't see why we couldn't have the maids do this part for us." complained Cersei.

"I could remove the goop for you." volunteered Jaime eager to get back in his sisters good graces.

"This is part of the process, honey. We shouldn't rely on the help so much anyway as I always tell your father. And no, Jaime, you will not be doing the messy part for your sister. It won't take too long and then I can help you guys carve them." stated their mother Joanna.


	9. To Impress A Boy

"So, you decided to be a hooker for Halloween?" fourteen year old Jaime asked his twin sister, looking at her in the costume she had just come out of the changing room in.

"How dare you! I'm Catwoman. This will get Rhaegar's attention for sure." she replied as she admired the skimpy outfit and cat ears in the mirror.

"So, Catwoman after she's gone into heat and let all the neighborhood strays have a turn at her? " Jaime asked disapprovingly

She attempted to slap him, but he caught her hand, blocking it. Thankfully nobody was around.

"Let me go."

Reluctantly, he released her hand.

" What are you going to the party as?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet. I might have to visit a few different shops." Jaime replied, making a mental note to find out what this Rhaegar guy was wearing and return later alone to buy the same. To protect her of course. Yeah, that was totally it he told himself.


	10. After The Party

"I know it's you, Jaime." whispered Cersei after she finished making out with the fourteen year old boy dressed as a dragon.

"How?" asked Jaime, flabbergasted that she hadn't thought him to be Rhaegar whose costume and makeup he had copied.

"I could recognize your voice, idiot. Plus your face paint isn't quite that good that I wouldn't recognize my own twin brother." Cersei replied, rolling her eyes.

"Well...I...I can explain."

"No need. Lucky for you, I rather liked making out with you."

"Really? So can this ummmmm...happen again sometime then?"

Cersei laughed.

"Of course not. I plan of having a political career one day and if this ever got out..."

"Trump's president and everyone knows about him and his daughter." protested Jaime.


	11. Maggy's Brownie

Would you like my brownie, Jaime?" asked six year old Cersei holding out a brownie wrapped in plastic wrap.

"Really? Why?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Well...I kinda ate all your snickers bars...and your kit kats...and your reeses...and..."

"Ok, ok, I get it. Gimme" replied Jaime before she could change her mind.

She handed him the brownie.

"I can't believe you ate so much of my candy again. You did that last year too!" complained Jaime as he started to unwrap the brownie.

"At least no one wore the same costume as you! Catelyn was a zombie too! I knew I should have picked something else." replied Cersei stomping her feet as Jaime devoured his brownie.

"Thank you." replied Jaime as he finished the brownie.

Cersei's mood suddently shifted and she started giggling uncontrollably.

"What is it?" asked Jaime confused.

"That brownie was from Maggy the Frog. You will turn into a frog now."

"That's silly. I ate the other one from her last night and I'm fine."


	12. The Candy Monster

"What are you doing?" ten year old Jaime asked Cersei as he saw her leaving Tyrion's room carrying a pillowcase of candy out.

"I'm inspecting his candy. You know how people are always out to get us Lannisters." Cersei replied back nonchalantly.

"Father already had our candy inspected for pokes and tears." Jaime pointed out.

"Well...I'm...double inspecting it."

"I don't think so." replied Jaime grabbing the bag from her.

"Hey!" Cersei exclaimed as Jaime headed back into Tyrion's room.

He put the pillowcase on the floor.

"No! Let her keep it for me, please. I don't want the candy monster to get me in the night." two year old Tyrion cried.

"The candy monster? Cersei, really?"


	13. Maggy The Frog

"You must have really hated that fortune she gave you! What did she say, anyway?" asked a curious and concerned thirteen-year-old Jaime to his twin sister.

"That's not important. There's no way what she said will happen will. She's a phony and we are going to teach her a lesson." replied Cersei.

"She's an old miserable woman who everyone thinks is a witch. Surely we could find better things to do on Devil's night. Perhaps you could just let it go?" asked Jaime, hopeful.

Cersei shot him a dirty look.

"Alright, so what's the plan?" replied Jaime, resigned.

"That stupid old woman always leaves her back window unlocked. We will dump what is in these bags into her house," Cersei replied, nodding to the two very large and tightly closed bags on the floor.

"Alright. So what's in these bags, anyway? Rotten eggs? "

"Of course it is not rotten eggs! We aren't children anymore."

"What, then?" Jaime asked as he picked up one of the bags.

"Something in it seems to be moving!" He added, alarmed.

"Those would be the frogs I convinced Tyrion to collect. I figure it fitting that the frog be reacquainted with her own kind," replied Cersei.


	14. Trick or Treating

"Why do you keep bringing your phone out?" asked eleven year old Jaime to his twin sister after the second house in a row had refused to answer their incessant knocking.

"I'm making notes."

"Notes?"

"Yes, silly, notes. Of the houses who aren't giving us our candy." Cersei replied as if it should be obvious.

"Why?" asked Jaime flabbergasted.

"So that we can avoid them next year of course." Cersei replied.

"That is a good idea." replied Jaime proud of his sister's good thinking.

"That is not the reason...I cannot believe you believed that." replied Cersei as they began knocking on another door.

"What then?" asked Jaime confused.

"You'll find out when I need you to." replied Cersei.

Jaime considered pressing for the information but knew she wouldn't tell anyway until she felt the need to tell him. Luckily, he did not have to wait long. Again, nobody answered the knocking of the two trick or treaters.

"We are gonna have a lot of houses to punish next year on devils night." stated Cersei in frustration as she began typing into her phone again as they walked away.


	15. Devil's Night

**"She never forgets a slight, real or imagined." -GRRM**

"Are you ready to go?" asked twelve year old Cersei

"Go where?" asked Jaime.

"It's devil's night, remember?"

"What? You know we don't take part in devil's night. Father would kill us we did that kind of mischief."

"Father won't find out. Come on Jaime."

"No, Cersei." Jaime replied denying her for one of the first times ever.

She whispered something in his ear and he turned bright red.

"Fine. We will go."

"Good. I have the lists in my phone."

"Lists? Of what?"

"Of all the houses in the past three years that at some point didn't give us candy or gave us something gross or meaningless. I knew this day would come one day. I wish I'd thought to keep track sooner."

"What do you mean by gross or meaningless?" asked Jaime curious.

"Like that brownie Maggie gave you the one year that made you act funny and get  
ravenously hungry. Freys and all their nasty little mini fruit pies are on this list too. "


	16. Corn Maze

**Not a super halloweenish one...more of a fall drabble...longest one yet**

"I can't believe this. We are gonna completely miss the party." Complained sixteen year old Cersei as she and her twin hit yet another dead end in the corn maze.

"Well...there's no one around...wanna make out?"

"Of course there is no one around! The maze shut down hours ago!" Cersei exclaimed.

"Is that a no, then?" asked Jaime hurt.

Cersei looked about ready to throttle him. He stopped her and stole a kiss.

She briefly kissed him back before shoving him off her and continuing to walk.

"I cannot believe I agreed to this childishness. We will probably die in here."

"Don't be so dramatic. Besides I told you this was the wrong way. Follow me, I am sure I know the way out. " he replied rushing ahead of her back to the way they came from.

This time he led them to a different path. Finally, the two reached three narrow crossings and Jaime had to come to a decision. There was a path heading right, a path heading left and a path heading straight. He tried to remember what he'd heard about mazes as a child.

'Always go...was it always go right or always go left in a maze?' He strained his brain trying to remember. He decided it was "always go right in a maze." So he decided upon the path to the right and turned into it. Cersei followed behind him, complaining about how her feet were killing her. He led them to a couple more paths, each one having two choices. Each time he chose the path to the right.

Finally, they arrived at another crossing with another three narrow paths. It looked oddly familiar to him, but then this whole thing was just corn and paths, so of course, it would he reasoned. He noticed a sign in front of him.

" See. We know where we are. We're at checkpoint eight. " Jaime stated proudly pointing to the sign he had just stepped in front of. He looked over his shoulder at Cersei and smiled.

"What did you say?" asked Cersei, her voice dangerously low.

"I said. We're at checkpoint eight." replied Jaime a bit baffled on why she seemed upset.

Cersei now looked even more ready to throttle him.

"You really are the stupidest Lannister! This is the same checkpoint we were just at a short while ago. You took us in circles!" She exclaimed.

"Well...at least we know where we are. So we aren't lost." Comforted Jaime.

"Knowing what checkpoint we are at doesn't help us any because we have no map. I told you we should have grabbed one of the maps they were handing out at the beginning!" explained Cersei angerly.

"That would have spoiled the fun." defended Jaime.

"Fun?! We've been lost in this damn maze for over six hours! I very badly need to pee, I missed dinner and now I'm going to miss the party of the year! And our phones are both dead so we cannot even call for help! And it's getting dark out now!"

"Well, at least we're together and alone. I say we take advantage..."

"I say you be grateful I do not murder you after this experience!"


	17. Corn maze 2

"Well, we've been trapped here for over seven hours now." Jaime said nodding to his watch before continuing. "We should rest and in the morning once it reopens and more people come we can find our way out by following them."

"What a wonderful idea my sweet brother. I cannot believe such a thought never occurred to me." Cersei replied, sarcastically.

"Thanks!" Said Jaime, beaming back at her, the sarcasm lost on him.

"There's only one problem."

"What problem?" asked Jaime, confused.

"Tomorrow is Sunday and the farm and therefore the maze is closed."

"Well...crap. Well...you know we could look on the bright side."

"What bright side?"

"We're alone. " He said smiling.

"And we won't starve to death at least." He added nodding to all the corn stalks they were surrounded by."

"I want to either kiss you or kill you right now." stated Cersei.

"Go with the first one." Stated Jaime, grabbing her and taking initiate.

She decided to go along with it. Before their lips could touch however she spotted something small and monster like dart quickly across in her side view path to hide behind some corn.

"Did you see that? whispered Cersei to Jaime.

"What?" he asked back aloud.

"Shhh, I just saw a monster."

"We aren't children, Cersei, you know monsters don't exist!" He whispered back, humoring her.

"Very funny. I meant I saw someone dressed as a monster. Something small and very horrific looking darted by quickly." explained Cersei.

"I think maybe we should try to go to sleep here. You seem really out of it if you're starting to hallucinate now." replied Jaime concerned.

"I know what I saw! And I am not going to sleep in a disgusting corn maze with some creepy little person hanging around. You must be insane."

"Well, perhaps we should start yelling for help?" Questioned Jaime.

"No, that thing will find us."

"Thing?"

"Thing, person, whatever. Anyway, I am sure this time that I know the way out...this path here, we haven't taken it before. "

"We tried your directions for hours and we kept hitting dead end after dead end." replied Jaime.

"At least I haven't taken us in circles multiple times like you have! And look, you just did it again!" She replied, nodding to the checkpoint eight sign they had just stepped in front of for the fourth time in a row.

All of a sudden a small goblin jumped in front of them and yelled "Boo!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH" Yelled Cersei and Jaime as they both took off running.

"Defend me, Jaime!"

"Stop! It's me!" Yelled a very familiar sounding voice.

The two stopped and turned to look as the owner of that voice removed his mask.

"Tyrion! I am going to murder you you little brat!" exclaimed a furious Cersei.

Jaime grabbed her and held her back from attacking him.

"Let me go!."

"Aren't you curious why Tyrion is in this corn maze way past his bedtime?"

"To terrorize us, clearly."

"No, that was just an added bonus." replied nine year old Tyrion.

"What are you doing here?" Jaime asked Tyrion before things could escalate more.

"Father returned home from his business trip today. He was livid that you both missed dinner with him. Something about appearances and what an embarrassment. He asked me where you two were and I told him last I knew you two had gone off to the Faceless Farm to do the fall corn maze."

"Still doesn't explain what you're doing here." Stated Cersei impatiently.

"Father obviously sent me here after you. He's outside a couple blocks over waiting in the limo. He doesn't want the media getting any inkling that his two eldest children are so...directlionally challenged." Tyrion explained, searching for a way to finish that sentence that wasn't too offensive.

"And he sent you in why? We'll be lost with you now, too!" Complained Cersei.

"I won't get lost."

"You have a phone with gps, then?" guessed Jaime.

"No."

"You have the map?" guessed Cersei.

"No, didn't bother."

"How in the world are you going to help us, then?" asked a furious Cersei.

"I'm good with directions."

"I am not following a nine year old." stated Cersei.

"Very well then, Jaime, will you come?"

"Of course."

"You can't just leave me here!" Exclaimed Cersei, furious.

"I would never do that. You're coming with us." stated Jaime.

"I told you, I am not following...hey...what are you doing?!" Exclaimed Cersei as she felt herself being lifted off the ground."

"Carrying you, obviously."

"Put me down!"

Cersei struggled the whole way, insisting that they were most definitely going the wrong way. Both of her brothers ignored her.

Twenty minutes later Tyrion finally had led Jaime to the exit. He didn't make one single wrong turn.

"Thank you brother, you're a life saver." Jaime stated,

"He just got lucky. That's all." Stated an extremely embarrassed Cersei as Jaime finally set her down.


	18. Princes and Knights

"I want us to be prince and princess." Complained eight year old Cersei in the costume shop as Jaime looked at knight costumes.

"I want to be a knight!"

"Why?" pouted Cersei.

"Well...then I can defend you always. Besides, we were prince and princess last year." replied Jaime.

"Well, if you won't be a prince then I am taking half your candy."

"Only half? That's an improvement from last year then!"


	19. Family Halloween

"Bam Bam!" exclaimed two year old Cersei as she grabbed the stuffed bat from her twin and started hitting him with it as he started crying. Although the two were too young for trick or treating their mother Joanna had decided to dress them up anyway. She herself was dressed as Wilma and had even gotten their father Tywin to dress as Fred Flintstone. The two twins were of course Pebbles and Bam Bam.

Their mother Joanna started to rush over to deal with Cersei's misbehavior when suddenly the doorbell started ringing.

"I'll take care of the kids, get the door honey." Stated Tywin as the sound of children saying "trick or treat" rang out


	20. Trick or Treating With Tyrion

**Notes** :

 **Wanted to upload the rest of these on Halloween day but lost my internet. Will upload the rest (theres 3 more after this 1) over the next few days, then I promise to get on updating my other C/J fic.**

"We're ready now!" exclaimed twelve year old Jaime to his twin as he and their younger brother came to join her in the living room.

"Great." Replied Cersei unenthusiastically.

"Oh cheer up. It will be fun."

"Fun? Taking our midget brother trick or treating fun?"

"It will help you to bond with him." Replied Jaime hopefully.

"It's not fair. It's only our second year being old enough to go trick or treating on our own and father makes us take the imp! He must want to punish us. I told you that superglue you used on the vase last week would not fool anyone. He knows" Complained Cersei.

"Don't call Tyrion an imp!. And If father knew about the vase we would be having to do a lot worse then this. Besides, taking Tyrion trick or treating is no punishment. " replied Jaime smiling down at his younger brother.

Just then Tywin walked into the room.

"What is that I just heard about a vase?" He asked.

"Uhhh..nothing father." Replied Jaime nervously.

"We will discuss it when you two return home." He replied sternly as the two twins looked at each other with more horror then they'd ever felt before on Halloween.


	21. Losing Tyrion

**Thank you, Guest, for reviewing the last chapter!**

Hey, that's not Tyrion!" exclaimed twelve year old Jaime as he went to rejoin his sister who was dressed as a Queen.

"Yes it is!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes it is, see!" Exclaimed Cersei as she tore off the mask of what should have been five year old Tyrion. Instead, they found a small boy who looked to be about two years old.

"Really, Cersei, I had you do maybe what five houses with him while I went to use the restroom as the Freys Pie Shop, and you lose him in that amount of time? What happened?"

"I don't know. How did you even know it wasn't him? The costume is the same."

"Tyrion's Superman costume had a blue cape because that's his favorite color. This one has a red cape. We're gonna be in so much trouble..."

"Hey, not my fault you had so much soda. Well, maybe father will see this as an improvement..." Cersei stated nodding at the normal looking but oddly silent two year old whos hand she was holding.

"Not funny. Help me find him now. And this child's parents too. It shouldn't be that hard."

"Ummm...think again." Replied Cersei as the two glanced around and saw several other trick or treaters of the right height wearing Superman costumes.


	22. Smurfs

**Notes:**

 **I loved the smurfs as a child (still kinda do!) so I had to do this!**

"I cannot believe you got me to agree to this!." stated Tywin as he looked in the mirror and observed his blue face paint, fake beard and smurf costume.

'It's cute. And look how adorable our little smurflings are!" Stated his wife Joanna who was dressed as Smurfette.

The two turned to look at their adorable four year old twins.

Cersei was dressed as Sassette smurfling and Jaime was dressed as Snappy smurfling. Joanna had painstakingly made all the smurf outfits from scratch as Tywin had to admit she had done a great job.

"Well, let's go." Tywin said smiling.


	23. Taking the Children Trick or Treating

**For this chapter which is the last, I decided to do something different. This is adult Cersei and Jaime taking Myrcella and Tommen trick or treating.**

"So, no, Joffrey this year, still right?" asked Jaime hopefully after he greeted his sister.

"You could try not to seem so happy about it." Cersei scolded before complaining. "I can't believe he decided he's too old for trick or treating. He's only twelve!"

"Sorry. It's just that kid is...difficult. So, what are the children going as?"

" Myrcella is a princess and Tommen a cat again of course. Maybe next year I can at least get him to be a lion ."

A few moments later as Cersei and Jaime were kissing they heard a voice from upstairs. ""We're all ready, mommy." yelled six year old Tommen eagerly as him and eight year old Myrcella rushed off downstairs together.

Cersei quickly pulled apart from Jaime before the children could catch them and straightened her clothes.

"Let's go, then," she stated smiling at her two children as they made their way to the door and headed out to trick or treat.

"She reminds me so much of myself at that age." Cersei stated smiling at her daughter as she watched her take off with Tommen to visit their first house of the night. Cersei waited with Jaime on the sidewalk while Myrcella and Tommen got their candy.

"Yeah, only I have a feeling she doesn't steal most of her brother's candy every year." replied Jaime.

"Still upset about that all these years later?"

"Maybe later you could do something to help make me less upset about it." Suggested Jaime.

"Perhaps later when the children are asleep. I can't believe we get to finally take them trick or treating together. I just hope people don't think it's too weird that I'm having my brother take the kids trick or treating with me." Stated Cersei worriedly.

"How's the divorce coming through?" Asked Jaime changing the subject before she became paranoid and decided to cancel this whole thing.

"Slowly. I want to bleed Robert for all he's got so it's going to take some time."

"And after, we'll move to someplace no one knows us and be a family?" asked Jaime hopefully.

"Don't push your luck." Replied Cersei.

 **How did you guys like these? What was your favorite/favorites of them all? Please review!**


	24. Joffrey And The Sword

**I decided to do eight more of these drabbles this year to make for a nice thirty-one total. These ones, like the previous chapter, will be set in Cersei and Jaime's adult years.**

"Cersei, did you have to bring the children with you?" questioned Jaime. slightly annoyed.

"Joffrey will keep occupied with his phone and Myrcella with her toys and hopefully Tommen will stay asleep. Yes, I had to! Robert was fucking our maid, again!"

"Why do you care who he fucks? You have me..."

"I won't tolerate such disrespect from him in my own home, that is why!"

Jaime was about to say something else before Cersei silenced him with a kiss and things began to get heated.

Unfortunately, shortly later in the midst of lovemaking, the excited voice of nine-year-old Joffrey interrupted them.

"Mother, mother! I found the perfect sword for my ninja costume!" yelled Joffrey's voice in the distance.

"Stop stop!" Cersei commanded her brother.

Jaime got off of Cersei, seething with annoyance at his neph-son for stopping his pleasure.

Mother! Where are you?!" yelled Joffrey as Cersei rushed to get her clothes on.

Jaime stayed under the covers, hoping Cersei would rejoin him once she was finished seeing what Joffrey wanted. He stared up at the ceiling trying to tune out Joffrey's presence.

"Joffrey!" she exclaimed as she opened the bedroom door.

"There you are, mother. I was looking all over for you! the boy exclaimed from across the hall.

"I'm sorry, uncle Jaime and I were just talking in his room. What were you saying?"

"I said, I found the perfect sword for my ninja costume!"

"Your ninja costume came with a sword, remember?" she asked rhetorically.

"Not one as cool as this, mom!" he exclaimed, coming closer to her to show off his cool find.

"Where did you get that from? It looks rather familiar," she questioned.

"It was in uncle Jaime's display room."

At that comment, Jaime finally turned to his neph-son, and noted the sword he was holding. Widows Wail. Named by Joffrey's very own namesake more than a millennia ago.

"That is not a toy! That is a priceless antique!"

"Of course it is not a toy. It is part of my costume now," stated Joffrey.

"That is a priceless heirloom that has been in our family for centuries. Put it back where you found it," Jaime commanded.

"Not going to happen."

"Then put it down. Now."

"Come over here and make me!"

Jaime started to get up, then quickly remembered he hadn't dressed. He turned to Cersei for help.

"Cersei."

"It's not as if the sword is any use laying around in your house collecting dust."

"Cersei!" protested Jaime.

"Don't worry. Joffrey won't let anything happen to the sword, will you?"'

"Of course not mother," Joffrey grinned sinisterly, which to Cersei looked like a sweet smile.


	25. Please wear the Costume, Cersei

"And why exactly should I do this?" asked Cersei.

"Because you love me and want to make me happy?" replied Jaime, hopefully.

Cersei laughed. "Love you I do dear brother. But there isn't enough love in the world that would make me dress up as that for Halloween!"

Jaime pouted, "Please?"

"No, now forget this foolishness."

"I...I'll do you a favor. Anything you want, Cersei."

"You already would do anything I want," she laughed.

"Not anything. I wouldn't hurt Tyrion for you."

"You'll hurt Tyrion? Finally?" Cersei's eyes lit up.

"No. Not hurt him, hurt him! But I can convince father to keep him in that boarding school for another semester."

Cersei smiled. She was eighteen and in her first year of university and she made sure to visit home a few times a month, mostly to keep their father happy as he was paying her tuition. It would certainly be nice to not have to worry about running into that disgusting imp for a long while. Still, she had her doubts that Jaime could convince their father.

"You really think father will listen to you? If I remember correctly his exact words when I broached the matter were that it would look ill of him to keep his dwarf son overseas for longer then he did his twins."

"Perhaps he will. Perhaps not. It's more then he will listen to you, though as you well know."

"Fine, but only if you actually do manage to convince him. Only then will I wear that silly Princess Leia costume."

 **Please comment and let me know if you like these new ones I'm doing in their adult years!**


	26. Myrcella's First Pumpkin Carving

"I still cannot believe I missed Myrcella's first real pumpkin carving!" exclaimed Cersei.

"It was unfortunate that Tommen broke his legs. How exactly did he do so, anyway?" questioned Jaime.

"He was pretending to be a cat and jumped off the roof because cats always land on their feet."

"Poor kid," replied Jaime sadly.

"Yes, I worry about him at times. He's nothing like his brother."

Unwilling to get into another argument regarding Joffrey's ill temper, Jaime refrained from commenting that him not being anything like Joffrey was a good thing and instead nodded his agreement.

" I can't wait to see what Joffrey and Myrcella carved," she replied as they got out of her limo.

Once they reached the porch, Cersei stopped to look at the four pumpkins on display.

"Four? And one of them is a wizard? You let that imp carve pumpkins with my children," accused Cersei.

"He's our brother and he was with me when you called," replied Jaime as he admired the very elaborate wizard Tyrion had carved into the large pumpkin.

"Hmph," replied Cersei as she examined the other pumpkins.

"This one I assume is Joffrey's," she stated, looking at the very basic jack-o-lantern.

"Of course."

"And this must be Myrcella's," she stated looking at the very poorly done carving, which she assumed had been done by seven-year-old Myrcella.

"Actually no...that's mine."

Cersei laughed, "Surely you're kidding."

"No, it's mine. The one next to it is Myrcella's," he stated as they looked at the far better done Jack-o-lantern.

 **Cersei stated first real pumpkin carving as before that Myrcella had carved foam pumpkins. Perhaps later I'll add pictures of what their pumpkin carvings all look like lol.**

 **Also, Tommen is still at the hospital, knocked out on pain meds. Cersei is grabbing some stuff for him and checking in on Joffrey and Myrcella before heading back there.**

 **Please review! I'm not even sure if anyone is liking these as no one this year has reviewed. ;(**


	27. Pic Set for chapter 13

I made a pic set for chapter 13 (plus rewrote that chapter some) and also a Cersei x Jaime autumn pic set for an upcoming chapter I'm writing. It won't let me post them here, unfortunately ;( or link to them even, but check out my edits on tumblr under lionessonthethrone to find them!


	28. Autumn Picnic Gone Bad

**Thank you, Phoebe, for reviewing chapter 26. I hope more of you will review, I'll keep writing (I'm ending at 31 chapters so a few more to go) but it's kinda discouraging to only have one review this year so far. ;(**

"Well, at least most of the day was good," stated Jaime as he held back Cersei's hair.

A moment later, Cersei wiped the vomit from her chin. "I cannot believe this. How am I so sick?"

"Morning sickness?" replied Jaime as his stomach gurgled.

"Morning sickness? At seven in the evening?"

"Well..." he was cut off by a sudden need to vomit.

"So much for morning sickness. We have food poisoning," stated Cersei as Jaime puked the contents of his stomach onto the ground.

"How?" asked Jaime after a moment, dumbfounded.

"You're the one who packed those picnic baskets. Why don't you tell me how?" asked Cersei, annoyed.

"I've no idea."

"Where did you get that food from?"

"Well, I got the fruits and lunchmeat from the grocery store."

"And the bread and pie?"

"A bakery, of course."

"Which bakery?"

"I don't remember," he lied.

"I can always tell when you are lying to me dear brother, tell me where."

"The Frey's Pie Shop."

"Are you serious?" asked Cersei furiously.

"Would it make you more or less angry if I said yes?"

By now Cersei looked ready to throttle him. "You got our pumpkin pie from a place shut down by the health department six times?" she confirmed.

"I...well...it was on the way and there was so little time...I really thought we'd be fine..."


	29. Tommen's Costume

"This is what I want to be for Halloween, mommy."

Cersei turned to look at her youngest son.

"That's...are you sure...?" she stammered out as she examined his choice of costume.

"Don't you like it mommy?" asked six-year-old Tommen.

Cersei had known Tommen would likely be a cat of some sort. He'd done so for the previous three Halloweens as well. Three years ago, he'd been a simple cat. The year after that he'd again chosen to be a cat.

Last year Cersei had been overjoyed when he'd announced his desire to be a lion. Until that is he informed her he wanted to be not just any lion, but the cowardly lion from the wizard of oz. Still, though she hadn't been too fond of that choice it hadn't been that embarrassing either. This costume, however...

"Mommy? I said, don't you like my costume?"

Unable to hurt her son's feelings, Cersei forced a smile.

"It's adorable." That much was true.

Tommen smiled back just as Joffrey came back with his costume.

"I'm to be a knight this year. One less fail then uncle Jaime, of course," stated Joffrey.

"You really shouldn't speak..."

Cersei was cut off by Joffrey's loud taunts. "That's Tommen's costume?! What will he be next year, a princess?"

Tommen's eyes filled with tears, "Mommy says it's adorable."

"Maybe for a girl. Mother, do you really intend to let him wear that out to trick or treat?"

Cersei forced herself to scold her eldest son, "You should be nicer to your brother. And yes, yes I do intend to let him wear it out. It's 2018 now. If a boy wants to dress in something intended for a girl, he can." 'Same for if a girl wants to dress in boys clothes, too.' she thought, thinking back to her youth and how often she had borrowed Jaime's clothes, which had always earned her steep punishments from their father.

"Intended for a girl? But mommy, it's only a Halloween costume!" protested Tommen

"I think it's cute," defended Myrcella who had just come back with her scientist costume.

"Yes, yes it is," stated Cersei. She, however, made a mental note to introduce Tommen to as many new fictional cats as possible over the next few weeks, in hopes he would come to prefer one of them over Hello Kitty. After all, one year Joffrey had changed his costume choice six times, so surely Tommen too could change his choice of costumes.

 **Review Please!**


	30. Joffrey and the giant pumpkin

**Happy Halloween! Thank you for reviewing Real Life Racie!**

"This is so nice. It feels like we're really a family," remarked Jaime to Cersei. They along with their children were at the local pumpkin farm picking out pumpkins to carve together later. Jaime and Cersei had already picked out theirs, two medium sized nearly identical looking pumpkins. They were now waiting while their children picked out theirs.

"Your mommy's brother so we are a family," remarked eight-year-old Myrcella.

"Yes, yes, of course," replied Jaime awkwardly.

"I want this pumpkin, mom," stated Myrcella a short time later.

"That's a nice one, Myrcella," smiled Cersei

"And I'll have this one, mommy." stated six-year-old Tommen.

"That's...are you sure, Tommen? Perhaps you'd like to look around more."

"No, I'm sure," replied Tommen as he proudly pointed at the pumpkin which looked like the pumpkin version of charlie browns Christmas tree.

"Are we ready to do the corn maze now then?" asked Jaime

"No. Joffrey still needs to pick his out, don't you Joffrey?"

"I already have," stated twelve-year-old Joffrey.

"Well, where is it then?" she questioned.

"It's too big for me to carry."

"Then perhaps uncle Jaime can go get it for you," suggested Cersei.

"Right there," stated Joffrey pointing at his choice.

"Joffrey! That is the display pumpkin," stated Cersei.

"So?"

"I believe your mother is trying to say, that pumpkin is not for sale," explained Jaime.

"It is if I want it to be! Right mother?"

"Of course. But are you sure you wouldn't like another pumpkin? That pumpkin will be a lot of work to carve. It's the biggest pumpkin in the county after all."

"Yes, I'm sure. Are you going to get me my pumpkin or not?"

"If you're sure you want it I suppose so," replied Cersei shocked.

"Of course I am sure. Get me my pumpkin!" exclaimed Joffrey rather loudly.

"Alright, dear." She paused and addressed her brother, "Jaime, go talk to the person in charge here. Explain to them who we are and that we need that pumpkin."

"Are you serious? That thing won't even fit in the trunk of the limo!"

"We will rent a tow truck then. Just get that pumpkin!"

A few hours later Joffrey's eight hundred pound pumpkin was loaded onto a tow truck. A crew was later hired to carve it to Joffrey's specifications.

 **One More Chapter!**


	31. Taking the grandkids trick or treating

**Thank you for the review again Real Life Racie! Since you mentioned her, I decided to include the existence of Gemma in this fic! For any who don't know Gemma is my original character and Cersei and Jaime's fourth child, born about nine years after Tommen. That's basically all you need to know for this story to make sense. I have more stories with her in my Holiday Drabbles, those ones are set all in the same AU. This one I think is set in a different AU because the timing in the other AU's probably doesn't match up perfectly with this story. I hope you all like!**

"Great news, we're taking all, well almost all of the grandchildren trick or treating this year, Jaime!" exclaimed Cersei after getting off the phone with her youngest daughter Gemma.

Jaime smiled back at his twin. There was once a time where he would have hated having to share any time spent with her, however, those days were long gone now. As they lived together for the past few decades he got to spend time with his Cersei every day. Though some thought it odd that not so long after Robert Baratheon's tragic murder that Jaime had moved in to help his sister, Cersei and Jaime were lions and they wouldn't let themselves be affected by the opinions of the sheep.

"Almost all, who isn't going?" questioned Jaime, though he was sure of what the answer would be.

"Well, Jofferena is in Juvie again," stated Cersei angerly.

"She's too much like her father," replied Jaime sadly.

"Joffrey turned out great! I'm sure she will too," defended Cersei.

Jaime refrained from voicing his disagreement. In Joffrey's mid-twenties it was true that he finally grew tired of a lifetime of partying and drinking and decided to do something with his life. It was also true that he had become quite successful at it. Now at age forty-four, Joffrey was a very successful physical trainer. The only problem was he was to the fitness world what Simon Cowell was once to the music world and Gordon Ramsay was once to the food world. Joffrey was brutal and crueler the longer you took to get into shape. He was known to say such things as "Nice tattoo. It would have been more fitting if it said fatass instead of badass though." and "I've never seen a double chin so large before. Are you sure that isn't a tumor?"

So while Joffrey certainly had a career now, his cruelty hadn't improved any, he'd only found an almost appropriate place to channel it. He'd been married for a brief time to some floozy Cersei hated which had resulted in the birth of one child, his daughter Jofferena. The woman had moved overseas following her divorce from Joffrey and only saw her daughter on official holidays.

Tommen's four daughters would be going trick or treating with them, as would Gemma's triplets. So they would have seven kids to take trick or treating. Cersei had been wanting to take them all trick or treating together for years now. Jaime wondered how Tommen had convinced Margaery to let Cersei take the kids trick or treating this year. He supposed that as she was heavily pregnant again and on strict bed rest after her last difficult birth years ago she hadn't exactly had much choice. He was sure she'd tried to convince Tommen to take the kids, but being unable to go herself there was little she could do when he insisted his mother take them instead,

Gemma, on the other hand, was happy to get a break from her four-year-old triplets. Two boys and a girl, all of which were little terrors, who months prior had started a food fight during Jofferena's birthday dinner celebration.

As for Myrcella and Trystane, to Cersei's chagrin, they still had no children. Though Myrcella had assured her mother that they were finally going to start trying this year as they had finally met all of their career goals.

So the next day Cersei and Jaime had picked up all of their grandchildren in the limo, minus fourteen-year-old Jofferena of course.

A short while later, Cersei and Jaime had their limo driver drop them all off in a posh, well-decorated neighborhood similar to their own and began to take their grandchildren trick or treating.

Tommen's second youngest daughter, five-year-old Leona rang the bell of the first house. Cersei gushed over how adorable she looked in her Hello Kitty costume, and remembered a time many years ago where Tommen had worn a similar Hello Kitty costume. It made her laugh quietly that she had ever been so embarrassed by his costume that she had spent weeks subtly trying to influence him to change it. She chided her previous self. A lion doesn't concern themselves with the opinions of the sheep. And everyone who didn't have the blood of the lion was certainly a sheep.

"What's so funny?" asked Jaime, noticing his sisters chuckle as the distracted children all received their candy.

"Nothing. I'm just happy. Happy to be here with you and the grandchildren." she smiled a genuine smile at her brother.

Once finished with that house they visited several more houses. At one of the houses, they came to a redheaded woman around Joffrey's age answered the door.

"Hello little dragons!" the woman whom Cersei noted was dressed as a dove, exclaimed at Gemma's triplet's who were all dressed as dragons.

"Trick or treat!" they exclaimed.

"Cersei Lannister?" the woman then stated as she glanced up.

"In the flesh, Hello Sansa. It's been a long time."

Sansa looked back uneasily. Tensions between the Starks and Lannister had been high for many years. Sansa's father Ned had been a cop before he passed away and had been sure Jaime Lannister had something to do with his friend Robert Baratheon's disappearance and assumed murder, but he could never prove it.

"I...I...suppose so. We're out of candy though, sorry," she replied slamming the door shit.

"How dare she! I saw the half-full bowl of candy there. If that little dove thinks she can disrespect us like that..."

"Cersei. The children" reminded Jaime.

"Very well then. I wouldn't trust anything she gives anyway. But this won't go forgotten," she replied as they headed to their next house.

They went to a few more houses, and after a couple dozen more houses Cersei remarked to her brother, "Ha. I told Gemma nobody would recognize who those dragons are! Look's like I won the bet and will get to take them trick or treating next year too."

"There's still time," replied Jaime, though silently, he agreed with her.

Three houses later, an elderly (really around Cersei and Jaime's age now), jolly-looking, fat girl, wearing a shirt saying "Braime forever", answered the door.

"Ah! A Witch, a zombie, a Kitty, a princess and...oh, wow! I haven't seen anyone wear those costumes in decades!" she exclaimed looking at the triplets.

"You know who they are?" asked Cersei incredulously.

"Of course. Only the three greatest dragons to ever exist!. In fiction that is. Drogon, Rhaegel, and Viserion!"

"I wouldn't have expected anyone to know who they are," replied Cersei

"Well, there's still a couple of us Thronies left in the world. It's so tragic the books will never be finished, isn't it? If only Georgina hadn't been such a strict dieter and health nut perhaps she would have lived long enough to finish the books. You know, if she'd have been a man I bet she wouldn't have had that problem."

"Yeah, I guess so," replied Cersei uninterestingly, as the woman finished handing out candy to her grandchildren.

"I heard it said that Wind In Winter was only a chapter from being finished too! But of course, Georgina left strict instructions for nobody else to finish the books in her place," she stated before continuing, "It's so hard to find fellow Thronies anymore. We should get together sometime."

"Sure, sure. Well, we must be going now we have a lot of houses to visit still..."

"Let me enter my info into your throne...I mean throne...phone I mean!"

"That won't be necessary. We couldn't care less about those stupid books," she stated as they made their leave.

The woman exploded upon hearing this, "It's because I'm a Braime shipper, isn't it? Yeah, I can tell a twincest shipper a mile away. You and that man with you and your matching dyed blonde hair. It just screams twincest!"

Cersei turned back around, and asked in a dangerously low voice, "What did you just say to me?"

The woman replied uneasily, "Just that you and your companion seem like...like..." she trailed off, unable to continue.

"And what makes you think my brother and I are like that?"

"Cersei...she means she thinks we ship two book characters that are twins and in a romantic relationship with each other," replied Jaime who had more of a knowledge than his sister about those books. He'd secretly read some of the twincest parts. He'd stopped before reading too much though as reading them gave him the oddest feeling of deja vu followed by violent nightmares where he strangled Cersei to death.

"Oh," replied Cersei.

"Yes, them. You're Thronies, you guys know what two characters I mean. He was going to become a couple with Brienne in the next book, I just know it! To be a twincest shipper is the worst. Their relationship is so toxic. Can you believe it, twincest? Just the thought of such a thing existing makes me ill."

Cersei wasn't sure whether this woman was insulting her, or not, but she was certainly insulting twincest and Cersei couldn't allow that. Cersei smiled at her brother, an idea forming in her head.

"Of course it's not that. I'm just in the process of changing my phone number again and so I cannot give my contact info. But if you give me yours I promise to be in touch soon."

Once the woman entered her contact info into Cersei's phone they made their leave.

"What are you going to have done to her, Cersei?" whispered Jaime to his sister once the children were preoccupied with their next house

"Her house will be "broken into" and all her Bramsay merchandise replaced with Twincest merchandise. And that's only if I'm feeling kind when I next talk to Ser Gregor. I could have him do much worse..."

"Bramsay merchandise? Oh you mean Braime," replied Jaime oblivious to what worse things Cersei could have done to that woman,

"Yeah, whatever, same thing,"

"I don't think it is, I mean there could be a character named Ramsay which would completely change what ship name that meant," replied Jaime.

Cersei rolled her eyes, "Sure, if you say so."

The two went on to visit several more houses that night and all their grandchildren, save Jofferena returned to their grandparent's house to spend the night. Cersei informed the children they would be checking the candy for pokes and tears. She gave each child some candy she quickly inspected from each bag then they all retired to the rooms Cersei had set up for them.

Later that night Cersei had Jaime toss out all the candy and replace it all with a variety of store-bought candy. It was so much less time consuming then inspecting seven large pillowcases of candy for pokes and tears after all.

 **This was the last chapter! Please review! Tell me your favorite chapter, or anything really!**


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